Relationships

Why do people put up with lots of shit in relationships? I’ve met many people who put up with all sorts of unfair stuff from a partner that they never would put up with from a friend. I’ve read all sorts of stuff about patriarchal relationships, about men controlling women, I’ve been in relationships (healthy and not-so-healthy), I’ve observed people in relationships and I’ve come to a few conclusions about healthy relationships:

1) No one should put up with shit from a partner that they wouldn’t take from a friend.

2) Any relationship (whether straight, same-sex, whatever) should be about mutual respect and equality.

3) Each member of a couple should be an independent person with their own thoughts, likes, dislikes, opinions and goals.

While I think it is sad that transgender people have to put up with so much discrimination and ridicule, I think it is even sadder that there are feminists who do not accept transsexual women in the feminist movement, just as it is sad that many gay people will not accept bisexuals in the queer movement. Aren’t we all people? In a perfect world, everyone would get along and everyone would accept each other for who they were. Shouldn’t we be aiming for a perfect world? I think many problems are caused by people’s insecurities about themselves and I can’t really blame gay people for being insecure. The Prime Minister, John Howard thinks queer people only have liaisons not real relationships. Queer people who come out often have to put up with all sorts of harassment, ridicule, ostracism and the very real threat of violence. Many people live in secret and in fear of being found out. Some people “come out” and remounce all their previous heterosexual experiences. Therefore, they don’t like it when some people have same-sex relationships without denouncing previous and/or future possibilities of heterosexual activity. I think this has a lot to do with why there is biphobia in the gay community. I have heard it said many times that people say they are bisexual because they can’t decide whether to be gay or straight. Since when was it a choice? Conservative wankers ay things like “By choosing to be a lesbian you can’t be a mother.” We all say “It’s not a choice.” (Plus why can’t gay people be parents? They couldn’t stuff it as much as some straight people). Why then do people tell me to choose? I’m not going to pretend to only being attracted to me or only women. I’m not going to pretend. Fuck that!!

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