Some very sad news

From my very good friend, Monica’s blog:

On 17 June 2008 at 10.50pm I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Mazhira Jane Copeman. She was 3.75kg and 52cm long. She died 6 hours later, due to what we think was meconium asphyxiation. She had ingested meconium into her lungs and in spite of overnight monitoring, giving her oxygen and trying to clear her lungs, she didn’t make it.

Dave and I are returning to Australia next week. We’re bringing Mazhira home with us and will hold a funeral / burial. I know no-one got to meet or see her except us, but I’m fast realising that this tragedy has touched so many that a funeral ritual will, I think, go some way to healing not just our loss, but the grief that others are also experiencing.

There’s so much more I feel that I could or should write about, but finding the words is near impossible.

In Spanish, to give birth is literally translated as “to give light”. Mazhira is Hebrew for “light, shining” (although we chose it more for the sound than the meaning). Somehow this little linguistic match is a comfort to me. Although I’m not feeling like there’s much light in the world right now, Mazhira’s birth did feel so incredibly uplifting, and Dave and felt immense joy and light when she was born, and we will never forget that.

As you can imagine I have been feeling devastated since I found out yesterday. I had to go home from work as I couldn’t stop crying. Mon and Dave are amazing wonderful people who would make amazing wonderful parents so it seems so cruel and unfair for them to only get to be parents to Mazhira for 6 hours. I feel so far away from them and unable to help. I wish I could go back to Australia for Mazhira’s funeral. I wish this hadn’t happened to such good people. But these things are never fair. Some babies die and there is nothing we can do about that. I have shed many tears for them all and will probably shed many more. I love Monica like a sister and wish there was some way I could make this better.

I saw Monica and Dave the day they discovered Mon was pregnant – they were in London at the time. It was so exciting and new. They had a really good pregnancy and labour so this was just so unexpected. And sad. Even though I know everything will be ok eventually, right now I am really, really sad.


3 Responses to Some very sad news

  1. barry says:

    i’ll be there – i’ll say a prayer for you.

  2. zinegeek says:

    Thanks Barry.

    But I thought you were an atheist. :p

  3. janettee says:

    gracious i haven’t stopped crying either. i was sobbing on my bike ride to work on thursday too but managed to distract myself for most of the day at work because we are so busy. i did leave early and watched a trashy movie in the hope of distracting myself but it only partially worked. i’m looking after myself and i know you have paulie c for hugs and snuggles. but i miss you carmina.

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