Another Dental Visit 2 cover

June 30, 2005

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June 28, 2005

Some people seem to skip happily through life.
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But I feel so weighed down. How can I even smile?


June 27, 2005

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Sometimes the negative thoughts, the cloudy mind and the heavy cloud really drive me up the wall.
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Sometimes I’d just like to be left alone.


June 26, 2005

when I was depressed, the air around me felt dark and heavy and meaningless. I would drag myself out of bed.
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Some depressives have trouble getting out of bed. I could always do that. It was actually leaving the house that was hard.
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Sometimes I would get out of bed, make a cup of tea, sit on the couch and then feel totally unable to do anything else.


June 25, 2005

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Being depressed can affect your appetite. And so can antidepressants.
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When I was really depressed and I didn’t want to cook and I didn’t feel like eating, bananas were one of the few things I could eat.


June 24, 2005

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Antidepressants stopped the crying but they also affected my desires.


I sit on a box of demons

June 21, 2005

Just after I started counselling, I felt a lot worse before I started to feel better. One evening, my counsellor was worried that I might hurt myself and she wouldn’t let me go home alone. I called a friend to get me and I spent the night at her house. I wrote about my box of demons the following morning when I awoke at about 5 O’Clock in a strange bed, unable to sleep.
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I sit on a box of demons. Sometimes I would forget there were demons in the box and I’d think about getting off.
“I’m bored. It’s time to do something new.”
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Then the demons would get active and try to get out. That would be a tough and upsetting time.
“Oh god, I’m going over the edge.”
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So I’d have to push down harder on the lid so they couldn’t get out.
Keeping the lid on the box did restrict my ability to do things.
“No I can’t go off having an adventure. I have to keep the lid on this box.”
I got really sick of having to mind the box all the time.
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Eventually I got off.
Now I have to fight off the demons before they’ll go away.